‘Mass’ & ‘No Time To Die’

Season 12, Episode 1


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370 thoughts on “‘Mass’ & ‘No Time To Die’

      1. I think you meant you would have like to see MORE 007 JAMES BOND content! Cheers and Great job to film expert Gregg Turkington for keeping it about the movies and JEERS to Tim for making those poor parents of the Electric Sun 20 so sad, he should make it up to them by giving them free tickets to Bond!

        1. Thank you for the shoutout! We look forward to sharing more updates soon. Stay tuned to HEI Network for those updates.

        2. I can’t believe you’re still talking about those dead kids. at Electric Sun. Just let it go, dude. The courts have already decided.

      1. If this isn’t going to be about the movies then we should all give the show zero bags of popcorn and take our money and move on. Vax block more like vax the CLOCK is ticking let’s get to oskar

    1. Today I’m Sending out #HEI to those who Send $HEI here to this address, You’ll get a surprise💯💯.


      Wait for the big Surprise💯💯💯


    1. How dare you talk to Tim that way! You should remember who makes the sauce.

      TONI is the reason On Cinema is now a financial powerhouse. We all stand at the cutting edge of a bright future because of TONI.

      If you don’t agree. I gladly offer to buy your HEIPoints at market price.

        1. a pale of moonlight is not possible, you can not put light in a pale. a pale can not contain photobs.

  1. Was not expecting Gregg to return this season after the massive failure that has been the VFA and his assault on Luhroo. He should be in jail for his crimes, he’s lucky Tim is sucha honestt and genrous host.

      1. The Electric Sun Desert Music Festival and Tim Heidecker are NOT liable for any injuries occurred during the previous Electric Sun Desert Music Festival. Please stay tuned to HEI Network for more updates regarding the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival!

    1. Mark, aka K-Strass, has been doing yo-yo routines at the local elementary and middle schools. He’s also got a successful NPO called Yo-Yos for Hobos, which allows him to do all kinds of great work with the local downtrodden. That said, I think we’re all due for a classic Stooges bit in the coming weeks.

    1. And God bless the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival. As always, stay subscribed to HEI Network for future updates.

    1. I can’t wait to spend my HEI Points at the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival. Keep plugged into the HEI Network for updates on this.

  2. What a great episode! So much joy and love between Tim and Toni.

    Was great to watch that love chase away the dark cloud that is Mr. Turkington.

    P.S. Greg needs to remember his place.

    1. Our team reviewed the above comment and found it to be UNTRUE. Tim rated Bond 3 bags of popcorn, and therefore did deliver. Stay subscribed to HEI Network for more corrections and updates regarding the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival.

  3. I’d give this episode two and a half bags of popcorn because we were robbed of one of the two reviews. Very unprofessional of Tim to hijack the episode. Hopefully Gregg will do a separate special honoring “Bond” and giving Daniel Craig a proper sendoff.

      1. its not the TURK Network! shut up you punks! go make a movie for your tick tack you idiots. When I was young we only had one tick tack, mint. Now you have orange, cinnamon, and movies! It just shows you what useless fools the youth is. Respect America and respect the HEI Network!

  4. The Mods will delete this but Mark’s medical paperwork/insurance history needs to be provided to Law Enforcement!! There is ample evidence that CRIMES have been committed! #justiceformark

    1. Mark and Gregg have been ducking the calls to chat with Tim’s insurance fraud ‘expert’. If they don’t settle this up, they’re going to be in hot water with the former trump administration.

      1. Mark isnfree and just walking around now. You saw him in that one clip, picking up sticks! He duz not need governmental authirity in his corner. Let him alone to graz free.

        1. If you build a man a fire, then he’ll be warm for the rest of the evening.

          If you set a man on fire, then he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

    1. Make sure to save some of those HEI points for the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival! Like and subscribe to HEI Network for future updates on that front. 😎

    1. Mark, we were gladdened to see your new job as a groundskeeper. Please reach out to Tim, we have been looking for you to help with an important project that rhymes with the Eclectic Run Effort Cusack Smestival.

    1. We love Vanessa Kirby! If you do too, stay subscribed to HEI Network for a future updates on the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival.

    2. Our fact-checkers have reviewed this comment and found the information to be PARTIALLY TRUE. Vanessa Kirby’s true name is WENDY KIRBY. Our fact-checkers were unable to verify whether VANESSA is a middle name or simply an alias.

  5. so great and personally rewarding to see Toni FINALLY getting the spotlight she deserves! Forget On Cinema, how about On Tim & Toni ! Now that i GOTTA see

  6. dubble oh sevin always a pretty cool movie series… to bad greg couldn’t stick around. both guys looked prety handsome. is that ok to say? haha… maybe i’m getting old. praiseGod

    1. Hopefully next episode Gregg will have time to give his popcorn rating for No Time to Die. Better not be anybody’s fucking birthday next week or I might have to seriously consider a refund (and I want it in Hei points, not shitty ass dollars thank you very much)

  7. Gregg didn’t even get to say the runtime, he said it was the longest but we didn’t even get to hear by how much because of Tony who doesn’t even like movies

  8. You did it Tim, you killed BOND! I didn’t think it could be done, what a joke.

    I can only imagine the incredible segment that Gregg had planned, all to waste, but at least he looked great in that White Tuxedo!

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience of the previous Electric Sun Desert Music Festival! We look forward to sharing more updates regarding the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival soon. Stay tuned into HEI Network for any updates.

  9. This first episode and surprise birthday celebration is definitely a 5 bagger. Also good to see small businesses like RJ’s Shakes and Vax Blocker being represented by the HEI Network!

    1. We’re close to securing a catering deal with RJ’s Shakes for the upcoming Electric Sun Desert Music Festival, but you didn’t hear that here! Stay tuned for the official announcement.

  10. what kind of movie review show is this?? i wish i could go back intime to to the first season and WARN gregg about what this show would become. canNOT believe how they disrespectd film legend james bond in his finest hour. for shame!! cant wait for the next episode!

    1. Our fact-checkers reviewed the above comment regarding “film legend james bond in his finest hour” and found the information to be FALSE. Bond’s runtime is believed to be 163 minutes.

  11. Thinking about unsuscribing? Got all decked out in Bond gear, only to spend half the video singing happy birthday to someone that isn’t a movie expert. The quality of this show is going downhill…. fast.

    1. There’s no reason to cry! Stay tuned to the HEI Network for more updates on the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival.

  12. don’t think i caught the part where they reviewed the james bond movie??? can someone link me to the timestamp i have been looking everywhere

  13. Wait, where’s the Bond Review? Oh right it was bumped because Tim and his wine-o wife were too busy with PDA to talk movies. season not looking good so far unless Gregg gets more airtime

    1. Toni may be a wine-o, but you’re a whine-o. There is still time for them to address Bond next episode, and with this extra time in the oven I’m sure Gregg is gonna really hit the movie analysis out of the park with this one. Just be patient

      1. While agree patients is a virtue, have you ever heard of food burning for being the in oven too long? Whine-o I may be but a fan of burnt reviews I’m not…

  14. I wanted to know if I should see the new James Bond movie, but I never got to hear an EXPERT opinion! I don’t even know how long it is! How am I suppose to plan my weekend?

    Thanks for nothing Tim! How many Hei points do I have to pay to see a movie review around here?

      1. She’s vibrating like a tuning fork set to high F-demented all right, but that’s due to Zolpidem, Bisacodyl, Benzodiazepines, and Ethanol in copious amounts in the bloodstream.

  15. Tough episode for bondheads, and I’m sure a lot of confused Catholics. But the set looks good and Tim seems like he’s in a good place.

    Disappointing not to get any VFA news, but I understand that it’s hard to cover so many new movoes AND make time for news.

  16. I would have given you 150,000 HEI points to not even mention Jame Bond. He’s the worst thing sonce Arthur which is also inuntolurable. I hate that.

  17. I thought this was ‘On Cinema at the Cinema’ not ‘On Web Streaming at the Cinema’ get this Netflix stuff outta here.

    Great reviews.

    1. I understand it’s a pandemic and all, but you literally cannot call it On Cinema at the Cinema if you are in fact not “at the Cinema”. If they are going to give us a show, they either need to call it something else, or show that they really are committed to the cinema premise by GETTING IN THE FUCKING CINEMA, health risks be damned. If they aren’t willing to put their lives on the line for cinema, they aren’t real movie buffs. This direction for the show is indicating to me that they are just not serious about their movie analysis anymore.

      They could also take the third option of just delaying the show till the pandemic is wrapped up. But to do it like this is just lazy and false advertizment.

  18. The show should be called The adventures of special master codebreaker (and world class movie expert) Agent Johnathon Kinkton, not Decker, he’s a hasbeen.

      1. that is really offensive! They are both good Christians celebrating life and serving Him. If she was so old why would the Lord bless them with a child?? get your facts straight

    1. Make sure to save some HEI Points for the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival! Stay subscribed to HEI Network and “live the HEI life” for updates.

    1. We diehard Greggheads are used to pain and punishment for our continued loyalty to a show that incrasingly seems to no longer respect movie expertise, but this is really getting out of control, borderline scam at this point. How far over the line does Tim have to go before we REBEL? #callingallgreggheads

    I was a week from eviction, but after the HEI point deposit into my account and a long talk with my landlord, I’m now going to be homeless with 50,000 HEI points!

    1. Speaking of experts, where the heck is LaRoux? I’d be willing to bet he would have spotted the connection between Mass and mass surveillance, and the mark of the beast and thus zero hour. Tim is kinda temping fate and inviting trouble by not having him around if it indeed happens during recording, god forbid

  20. I cant stan’ds this BRIDISH terrarist movie franchoze being constandley put in Americkan movie screans. WE NEAD MORE AMERICAKN HEROS!!
    WHAT OUR YOU DOING, Americkan movie eczecudives?! WE DONT wan’t to watch nonAmerickan terrarist agensies propaghanda on our streeming platforms, movies, TV, or other forms of Americkan visual graphick endertainment.

  21. craig turkington may know a lot about movies but clearly he’s got a lot to learn about people. frankly i think it’s disgusting to see the host of this show and his beautiful WIFE being goaded and humiliated in such a way by a mere guest. tim is not only the host of on cinema but also the father of the on cinema family and mr turkignton should show a little more respect or else suffer the consequences, which i hope are severe. those kids are dead and they’re staying dead so DROP IT. i just hope next week’s guest conducts himself with a little more decorum. that said, i thought the reviews for both movies were excellent as usual and for that i give this episode five bags.

  22. it is undeniable that gregg is the most informed and knowladgeable movie expert out here but if he leaves his post nobody will talk about BOND at least mr movies axiom would always stand by his duties and make sure the people get movie sinformation that we need and crave for every day

  23. I bought tickets to go to the cinema here in Barcelona tomorrow and the cinema website didn’t accept HeiPoints. I thought: “Weird”. Especially for a cinema, who you’d think they’d be the first to take advantage.

    1. Our fact-checkers reviewed the above comment and found it to be FALSE. Tim is very deliberate in his words, and never fails at reading. He simply takes his time. Like and subscribe to HEI Network for more truths and updates regarding the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival.

  24. I cannot BELIEVE the efficiency of the #Heipoints system! Top-level integration, supply-chain protocols, and measurable, real-world financial accruement!

    We’re off to the moon folks!! 🚀🚀🚀

    1. HEI Points™ are not yet available for moon-based or other space-related travels. Apologies for the inconvenience. Like and subscribe to HEI Network for updates on the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival!

  25. Greg is a lyer and a fraud. Its a shame he’s aloud to run his mouth about stupid JAMES BOND and bring up the Electric Sun 19 time and time again.

    1. Thank you for your very correct take. We look forward to bringing you more information regarding the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival!

  26. truly shocked at the horible unprofessionalness on display from tim and toni or the terrible T’s as i call them at home. greggs expertise is the only thing keeping this netowrk alive right now

    1. Our fact-checkers were unable to verify the accuracy of the above statement. Stay tuned to HEI Network for updates regarding the Electric Sun Desert Music Festival!

  27. I guess they need to change Greg’s title to “Head Partypooper” wow what a buzzkill. Couldn’t even be bothered to say happy birthday!

  28. Hi, my friend Noor is wondering if you were going to review “Nativity 2: Danger in the manger” this season? Please reply if you work for hei network or if you think you can answer the question nevertheless.

  29. i’m happy to see Tim find love again after everything he has been through but he talks less and less about little Tom Cruise Jr. I haven’t forgotten him, has Tim?

    1. Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
      And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone
      But that’s not how it used to be
      When the jester sang for the king and queen
      In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
      And a voice that came from you and me

      Oh, and while the king was looking down
      The jester stole his thorny crown
      The courtroom was adjourned
      No verdict was returned

  30. This episode was much too vulgar and explicit, it upset my three children (Cedar is only 12 years old). Next time please stick to reviewing movies (such as the Wholesome and Good James Bond (007) and cut out the innaporpeate behavior!!!

  31. Unprofessional bullshit from both sides today. Greg interrupting and disrespecting HEI CEO Tim Hiedecker. Then Tim disrespecting the MOVIES with skipping Bond. No Time to Die? More like No Time for Movie Reviews when You Are Busy PDAing your Wife on The Show.

  32. Great episode, nice to see movie talk again…but not really a fan of the new elevator-music version of the show theme. Why not have Dekkar make a rocking version of that jingle?

    1. Agree. I think that the will prehaps are working out copyrigt for deckar to take over music on the NEW show to get passion about how it will feel new on cinma

  33. Thoughts on the premiere:
    >Congrats on TEN YEARS to the ON CINEMA brood!

    >TIM’s Rick Perry/Anderson Cooper/Bill Maher spectacles did have the desired effect: they DID make him look marginally smarter than the vapid mass of solipsism he is — but if he wants to really butch up, he needs to take them off and chew on the temples more often.

    >The new BOND film is overcooked, hamfisted GARBAGE (like all the derivative, dour Daniel Craig BOND films before) so I don’t miss CRAIG’s bag rating.

    >THE MANY SAINTS OF NEWARK should have been the other review this week.
    It was also GARBAGE (one question: you have FOURTEEN YEARS to write a screenplay and THAT’s what you come up with?) but it was still better than the dumpster fire of NO TIME TO DIET.

    >The 40th Anniversary of ARTHUR (1981, 97 mins) is THIS YEAR.
    Please make it SO. For the CHILDREN.

    >VERA DREW’s work has brought a new level of sheen and polish to this INSTITUTION.
    And it’s about got-damn time!

    >TONI & MATT NEWMAN are instruments of The Devil.

    >”Mr. Money” JOE ESTEVEZ needs to grace us with his presence — SOON.

    >TIM will likely contract Polio by the season’s end.

    >HEI Points are yet another bit of TOUCHSTONE GENIUS that’s way ahead of the curve — AGAIN!

  34. Gregg was eight. This isnt on cinem on birthdays, and, frankly it should have been oncinema on Bond to celibriate the worlds greats spy 007. The movie was a gaurenteed 5 bags in my books (haven’t seen it yet, but Bond is always 5 bags if not 5 hundred)

    1. Greg deserves more respect on set! But this investment opportunity Tim has blessed us with is amazing!! I just sold my children, wife, and dogs for 1 trillion hei points! Great investment much success!!!!

    1. Demon Succubus from the Pit of HELL.*

      *(technically a pit** East of Pittsburgh, near Centralia, PA.)

      **(technically related to a copse in Stull, KS.)

  35. Wow, a paltry 3 bags of popcorn for the new Bond puts it as one of the lowest rated films in history and definitely the lowest rated Bond flick. Gregg’s failure to assign a popcorn rating could be seen as a massive dereliction of duty for the world’s #1 Bond Head.
    Also, a rating this low is not a good sign for the Bond franchise: studio heads typically don’t like it when a film puts up numbers this low. We’ll just have to wait and see if they even bother making another Bond after this.

  36. Not sure why Tim puts up with Gregg’s poor behavior to this degree. Gregg, you’re lucky to be back after a long history of abuse of your (very fortunate) position in the On Cinema family.

    From a slanderous testimony against Tim that was probably written by Rosetti the Rat, to wearing movie hats after being repeatedly told not to, you should be ashamed. Get in line and treat Toni and Tim with the respect they deserve.

    1. And don’t forget:
      >Medicare Fraud
      >Copyright Infringement
      >The utter destruction of Roy LaRue’s pelvis & legs
      >Inhabiting a car and/or storage unit as a permanent domicile contrary to the Laws of The State of California, specifically San Berdoo County, specifically VICTORVILLE.
      >too badass to even rate

  37. Toni & Tim… PLEASE stick to the movies and let greg speak his wisdom!!. save the romance for off camera or perhaps a new season of Decker

  38. Very disappointed with this episode. Leave it to Tim to bring the distractions from the movie reviews we are all counting on. I hope Gregg brings back the tux next week and we finally get that Bond popcorn classic we’ve all been waiting for

  39. Typical Gregg bullshit. Can’t even be bothered to participate in the very first episode of the most important season in On Cinema history. Why does Tim allow Gregg to be on the show anymore? He gets nothing but shit and disrespect from that guy. Joe Estevez was, is and always shall be the REAL Mister Movies.

  40. Wow, what a disgrace. I’m as American as apple pie but this was Daniel Craig’s last outing as Bond and you really made a mockery of his legendary tenure as 007. You also disrespected the Bond heads, but more importantly, the Bond buffs (myself included). Like I said, I’m a proud Hei network memeber with a HEI POINTS balance currently sitting at 60,000, but I had to call you out for this sham of a first episode. Dross!

  41. I was an early adoptee because I thought we’d finally have EXPERT Gregg lead us back to the movies. Sadly he had to remind murderer how to spell, and I still don’t have my points! Where are those?!

  42. I prefer the focus on family. Looks like I’m having the family all sit down and watch Jack Deckers with the flag at full mast that they will raise in the morn.

  43. Wow. Happy Birthday Toni! That’s fantastic. You and Tim look so happy (I think you’re good for him, but don’t tell him I said that!)

    Tim, you’re so gracious to give downer Greg another chance. He is looking for every opportunity to just push your buttons but you persevere. He’s not a film expert, he’s just an expert on being a HUGE DRAG. Greg’s attitude in this episode gets 0 bags of popcorn and a cup of poison that matches how TOXIC he is. God bless.

    1. I met a girl who sang the blues
      And I asked her for some happy news
      But she just smiled and turned away
      I went down to the sacred store
      Where I’d heard the music years before
      But the man there said the music wouldn’t play.

      And in the streets, the children screamed
      The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
      But not a word was spoken —
      The church bells all were broken.

      And the three men I admire most
      Larry, Curly, and Moe The Host
      They caught the last train for the coast —
      The day the music died.

  44. Tony New Man has signs of liver failure which is sad. I would’ve liked to know wether to see the new bond film or not. As an aspiring film expert I will go ahead and see it.

  45. TONI!!!

    Tim is getting you drunk to take advantage of your fortune!

    He’s going to steal it all YOU NEED TO SOBER UP


  46. I appreciated the inclusion of the running time for Mass. This will most certainly sway my interest in favor of seeing the film.
    I am sorely disappointed, though. There was no running time for the new James Bond film No Time to Die. I realize that Tim is not a fan, but this should be set aside in favor of the important issues. Such as the running time. How can I possibly know whether or not I want to see the film? Or if I have the time? There was no running time included. 3 bagger? How can I tell the credibility?
    This is unprecedented even for On Cinema, the highly acclaimed film critique show of the last 20 years. Something is highly suspicious. I hope everything is working ok in On Cinema land. Maybe their watches have been misplaced? From this side we’re missing the important topics on the most anticipated of releases.

    1. I should also add that I realize Greg attempted to inform us of the running time, but was cut off and we were told to wait. As I sat in anticipation of the running time being revealed in full I was only left with disappointment as it was never truly revealed in detail.

  47. I’d like to see what kind of spy stuff LA ROUX gets up to in his spare time. Bond is so boring maki g me yawning I want to see what LA ROUX does behind the scenes now that’s cool stuff that’s exciting things hahahaha so cool larouz

  48. Hey Tim hahahaha so funny Toni’s borthday so good hahahahaha greg is such a jack pit hahaha his jacket so small for him he thinks he looks like bond? No way man bond is the worst bond is way stronger than him too and also bond never had that long of hair what is greg thinking??? Maybe time to visit the barber and spend some of his hei points on a hair cut and maybe then dress up like bond again hahahah so funny Tim and Toni getting drunk tonight man oh man I’m so jealous to see the boys making that party too yesssss gonna be so funnnn hahahaha awesome

  49. I sure hope Matt Newman is getting invited to the big party for his mom. This could be just the thing to help him break that dreadful video game addiction!

  50. Great first ep, glad we are BACK AT THE MOVIE. side note: LOVE the claims of LTD limited libelty great way to cover up and block more pesky lawyers. It you product that blocks like the vaccine and Rio Jensis is needs to be defuended like constitution, God, and our freedoms. We MUST defend our freedom and this was a great example how freedom of speech will live on through proper libeling / putting labels like “not FDA Aapproved (because we know how much FDA is lies and corrupt like the wire) or LIMITED CLAIMS” and we at law firms like to see that kind of content. RJ shake is not libel because of how SMART and FAST Tim is to put that up there’s on screen. As a catholic I did watch mass instead of church and no I have confession now, Godb less! BOND IS FOR SEX PERFORMERS – Bible, chapter 6:9:42:06

    1. Sharper than Sheffield steel — he looks like he consorts with PUSSY GALORE.

      (One fist of IRON, the other of STEEL.
      If the right one don’t wreck ya, then the left one will.)

  51. Finally a beautiful H-E-T-I-R-O sexual couple onscreen show-casing their God approved love instead of HollyWEIRD with their gay this gay that destabilizing everything and confusing our youth and even older folks like me.

  52. Personally I would have preferred James Dean to James Bond. But I’m no film expert with a Guinness world record for watching 500 movies in 500 days.

  53. Can’t wait to cash out my hard-earned Hei Points and buy a popcorn machine! I’m already creating dummy accounts just to get more points, but you didn’t hear this tip from me!

  54. Unbelievable… Timheads are at it again with this unrelated nonsense. I genuinely wanted to go catch the new bond movie but I’m unable to get the expert movie opinions that I need to make informed decisions.. no runtimes, no starring actors, nothing. We’re left completely in the dark from these so called movie “reviews” while tim parades his wife around.. absolutely shameful display

  55. Almost Wendesday! I’m shaken and stirred with ancipitation of Ggreg’s Episode Two wardorbe! In Episode One he looked so much like 0007 I thought Goldeneye was going to jump out at him!

    1. And before any of you hotheads jump to the conclusion that I’m on Ggreg’s side or Tim’s side, the answer is BOTH AND NEITHER! The only side I’m on is the side of beautifull wardorbe!

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