Hei Network Preps for It’s Big Debue Next Sunday

Hei Network, the all access one of a kind, top leader in streaming technology, news, entertainment and beyond is “all systems go” for their premiere launch on April 25th in order to present their own On Cinema Oscar Special with many guests already planned and confirmed for the one of a kind event, being broadcast for members only and ticket holders (those who have already purchased tickets for the event previously) Including Mister Movie Himself and Ex-Dekkar band member, Axiom who has promised to provide a comprehensive gide to what movies are potentially oscar winners this year.  

Host, Tim Heidecker has been busy organizing all the Hei Team members and making sure all is well so that a wonderful show could be presented as such. Heidecker, who has previously hosted many other On Cinema Awards Shows is excited to present a wonderfully show that will be received very well by all. It is his hope that this special extends the legacy of the On Cinema Oscar Special, as it’s known for being a premiere source of information and entertainment. Heidecker hopes all will enjoy what Hei has to offer. “I am looking forward to a wonderful evening of interesting conversation and get to the bottom of many things, as you can imagine.” Heidecker spoke with a Hei reporter earlier and provided that statement to them at that point. 

“We have no room for frauds or anyone who could be presented as a danger to the safety of our wonderful cast and crew, as you can imagine we take that seriously, and will be carefully choosing only guests who understand safely and respect for rightful ownership (aka, our guests will certainly have receipts for all that which they own)” 

The 8th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special will air EXCULSIBLY on HEI NETWORK on April 25th at 5pm Pacific. 

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124 thoughts on “Hei Network Preps for It’s Big Debue Next Sunday

    1. I am sure he is busy preparing for the return of Dr. San. He ascended to the Kingdom of God, Kingdom of Heaven but was sent back to us. He has unfinished business

        1. There is no need for insults, you will all see with your own eyes soon enough. Dr. Luther Sanchez, incarnate of Dr. Rasputin, lives again. He is ordained by God.

    2. at the VFA dubbing and archiving tapes faster than the heart beats of any the non-surviving electric sun 19 vapeheads combined
      I heard gregg is up to 73 hei quality vcrs, only the best brands for the VFA
      coincidentally the mummy starring Borlis Klaroff has a run time of 73 minutes

      1. Would have been a better movie if David Litnch had been able to reach the golden 100 minutes mark. More time equals more movie magic!

  1. Thankfully the health of everyone in attendanse for this one of a kind event will be better off with only the presence of the real mister movies axiom and not any other movie expert impostors

      1. I believe there is video evidence of Mister Movies AKA Axiom watching Jurassic Park which has a runtime of 128 minutes

      2. There are much better metheds to waatching movies than on old and outdated tapes.The great Tim Newman even gifted a guest of the show a newe blue Ray player for watching boring movies on.

    1. “We have no room for frauds or anyone who could be presented as a danger to the safety of our wonderful cast and crew, as you can imagine we take that seriously, and will be carefully choosing only guests who understand safely and respect for rightful ownership (aka, our guests will certainly have receipts for all that which they own)”

      … so I take it from this clear statement that Tim has un-invited himself? He clearly fits all the criteria.

    1. I agree, Tim and financial gurus Toni and Joe Mr Money Estevez should strike a big deal for the Oscar special with SAKE ONE the first, largest, biggest and of course best sake producer in the USA.

    2. I think pastor Lewis said it best: Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

    1. Exactly. He can’t even keep track of his own name, let alone the litany of failed projects and so called “music” ventures he has embarked on. Stick to the movies and what matters most!!

  2. I have a theory (kind of like movie theories which viewers enjoy coming up with!) that this article was, in fact, written by Gregg Turkingtons. This is why it isn’t portly written like when Tim or Axiom or Rev. Lewis or whomever usually writes these writes them

    1. 1 time oscar winning, but 4 time oscar losing (to the Hobbit: An unexpected Journey, which has 2 runtimes original-169min, Supremely extended edition – 182 mins) Zero Dark Thirty has a runtime of 157 minutes

  3. I am glad to c the HEI staff of which I assume there are MANY for this type of operation is writing good material and the truth.

    Nothing will go wrong, especially with Muncher.

    1. Although I’m sure you don’t need it, I just want to give you some reassurance that an operation with Mr. Movies, Mr. Money, AND Mr. Electric Sun 21 himself can’t go wrong, even though I’m sure you don’t need reassurance.

      1. Evidence presented at the Electric Sun 20 Trial, PROVED it was only the electric sun 19

        NOT 20 NOR 21

  4. It’s never to early too start preying for the soles of all those who will be murddered by Gregg Turkinton on this years Oscar Special.

  5. Is Bad Boy Jonny Depp going to make an appearance? If Axiom could get Jonny Depp to come that would make up for having Axiom there in the first place.

    1. Although gregg is not the head of Hei…he is indeed the head of the film archiving and film critiquing industries combined. CFA and CFC
      Hei may have the brawn but gregg has the brains

  6. Dear Axiom,

    Aren’t all nominees potential oscer winners? Or do you plan on giving in-depth expertise about who you think will take home Oscar gold?

  7. There’s simply no way the Oscer special can succeed through Hei Network with Axiom at the movie wheel. It would require the fake mister movie to watch over 501 movies, and even then it would be challenged by the previous record holder who has likely watched more movies since achieving his genis book of records title. Eventually, Oscor success would go before the Hobbithead oscer buffs and be ruled a massive failure, since it would require Axiom to watch the Lord of the Rings movie series and Hobbit films, something also very unlikely to happen.

    1. It’s not quantity it’s quality. What good is watching 501 movies on VHS when the real movie buffs are using VR! Following the advice of Technology Expert, Max Eucompco I refuse to watch any movie without my VR headset from Best Buy.

  8. It is MOVIE TIME grab some bubbly and sit back while mister movies Axiom tells us what to watch and what is just rubbish and deserves not a single second of our attention

  9. > We have no room for frauds or anyone who could be presented as a danger to the safety of our wonderful cast and crew

    I guess this means Tim will be sitting this one out. I wouldn’t call Axiom “Mister Movies” (does he even have a system to organize his movies?) but he at least seems more informed that Tim and has been seen hanging out with real stars like Johnny Depp.

    As much as I hat to admit it, HEI Network does sound legit and might just be the next big thing in film analysis, so long as they keep the unhinged Tim sober and off the set.

  10. so what if greg owns a hundred tapes he is a fraud who kills everyone with his car exhaust mr axoim, is probalby much more movies seen and knows all about what makes a movie GOOD not just the minutes in the movie

  11. I hope Tim can find a little time to focus on his silly side and get back to the great comedy films of yesteryear. I’m pulling for more classic comedy impressions, more of the time.

  12. It’s incredible how full of suckcess Tim’s life is.I am proud of him every day.He truly taught me everything I know and apply in my daily life.

    1. As a member of the GIG economy I subscribe and apply quotes of yesteryear to my daily life.
      “Greatness Inspires Greatness”
      -Charlie Dickens

  13. Can’t wait for the great Hollywood Joe ‘Money’ Esteves to discuss movies and finance with Mister Movie himself, the very knowledgeable Axia! Maybe we will have some news about Marc Porcks as well!

  14. I really hope there will be a segment on how THE RADICAL LEFT is taking over hollywood and movies!! I’m sick and tired of LEFTIST GLOBALISTS! They are probably putting SOROS in charge of the Oscars!!

  15. Looking forward to a healthy balance of movie expertise from Ax and financial expertise from Joe. And most importantly NO attempted murder

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